I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
