can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize