my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
