it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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