My liver just broke up with me...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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