Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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