Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
