I just cut my nipple shaving
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I deserve to be covered in dicks
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
