Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The air was thick with penises
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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