She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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