it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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