So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
