his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
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