Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
