Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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