That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
