dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i am craving dick and cupcakes
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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