I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
