you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
