He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
