Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
