Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
