girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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