We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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