I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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