i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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