is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
