Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
