Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
