we made out on top of his cat.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
