So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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