I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
