I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
