this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Boobs are out for the taking
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
