At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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