is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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