Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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