everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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