Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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