he shaved USA in his pubs
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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