I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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