I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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