Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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