I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
