Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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