My girlfriend figured out who you are.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
