I think my vagina is haunted
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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