5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
