he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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