last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
