I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
