My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
