He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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