i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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