One girl and one boy is just not enough.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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