He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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