Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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