Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
