I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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