I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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