your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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