How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
