considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
