He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
