are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
