dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
