I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
