first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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