Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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