If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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